Archives For Hope

pro·fane  (pr-fn, pr-) adj.
1. Marked by contempt or irreverence for what is sacred.
2. Nonreligious in subject matter, form, or use; secular: sacred and profane music.
Profane Worship - She Wants Revenge

Profane Worship – She Wants Revenge

I envy people who worship easily. I don’t.

There are songs I won’t sing (“It Is Well With my Soul”, because it’s not) and there are lines I won’t sing (“Jesus you are all I want”, because He’s not).

I envy people who can sing these songs because they are true for them.

I also envy people who can sing these lines because they want them to be true for them.

I can’t.

I envy people who can worship now for the way it will be like then.

I don’t.

But I do worship.

I even love some traditional hymns, especially “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing.”

I can worship with Robert Robinson when he says,

Prone to wonder Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.

I feel that way sometimes. I, too, am prone to wonder. I, too, am prone to leave the God I love.

I get that.

I also love Amazing Grace. I can worship with John Newton when he says,

Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.

As I’ve said before, I’ve got my own sh!t.

I get these hymns.

I feel these words.

I even like some modern worship/praise songs, especially “Blessed be Your name.”

I can worship with Matt Redman when he says,

Blessed be Your name. When the sun’s shining down on me. When the world’s all as it should be. Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name. On the road marked with suffering. Though there’s pain in the offering. Blessed be Your name

Most modern praise songs tend to be about the bright and shiny parts of life.

I like that this one is also about the darker and dirty parts.

Because that’s my life.

My life does indeed have the bright and shining moments! Much of my life is amazingly beautiful!

But I have also walked the “road marked with suffering.”

And there has been “pain in the offering.”

My life is both of these.

And so this becomes my prayer.

But more often than not I worship with a profane worship.

I worship with songs written by people who don’t believe in – and are at times even hostile towards – the God love.

Profane Worship - Peter Murphy

Profane Worship – Peter Murphy

Regardless of what I do with Reel Parables, I don’t tend to see God everywhere or in everything.

I don’t usually see a beautiful sunrise (like the ones I’ve seen off the coast of Florida) or a beautiful sunset (like I’ve seen off the coast of California and Mexico) and immediately praise God or thank Him fr His amazing creation.

Worship does not always come easily for me.

But I do feel what others feel. And sometimes its the non-religious ones that capture my feelings the best.

The Sinner in Me – Depeche Mode

When Dave Gahan sings,

If I could just hide, the sinner inside, and keep him denied. How great life would be, if I could be free, from the sinner in me.”

I know what he means.

As I wrote here I am very aware of my sin.

This song becomes my song of confession and gives me the outlet to confess my sins to God. (I John 1:9-10)

I don’t wallow in them.

I’m reminded of them.

I confess them.

And it reminds me that God already took care of them. And that draws me closer to God.

Why? Because he loves me unconditionally.

Put another way, God loves me despite all of my past, current or future sh!t.

See also Depeche Mode’s Wrong and Social Distortion’s I was Wrong.

Unconditional – the Bravery

I’ve spent my whole life surrounded and I’ve spent my whole life alone.

I wonder why I never wonder why the easiest things are so hard.

I just want, I just want love. I just want, I just want love. I just want, I just want love.

I just want something, something for nothing. Something, something for nothing.

I get this song. I too want unconditional love (see above).

And when Sam Endicott wonders why the easiest things are so hard, I get it!

This song becomes my prayer as I wrestle with how God could love me so unconditionally.

For I don’t understand what I am doing. For I do not do what I want – instead, I do what I hate.

Romans 7:15

Indeed. Why are the easiest things so hard?

Regardless, I found what the Bravery longs for. I found my unconditional love.

But God demonstrates his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

God loved me before I every loved Him. His love for me is not conditional on my love for Him.

God loves me unconditional.

When I sing this song I praise God that He loves me that way.

I praise God that He loves me unconditionally.

Do you do the same? What songs allow you to easily worship?

We are made for community.

It’s true you know.

Not because Google says its true. But because it is just true.

We are made for community.

Here’s the rub, community is not always easy to find.

I saw Peter Murphy and She Wants Revenge in concert. It was my first time to see both. It was amazing.

I cannot say for sure, but I am pretty sure I was the only Christian there.

If you know anything about their music or their culture you know it is not very “Christian friendly.”

But as I stood in line with the Goths and the ghouls I felt strangely at home.

I fit in.

I belonged.

So there I was crammed into the Door.

Hot.

Sweaty.

Tired.

Singing and dancing.

I met a couple who came to see Peter Murphy but fell in love with She Wants Revenge.

The three of us made mock fun of the poor band who had to open for them both. They were forgettable at best and no one was there to see them. Poor things.

The couple and I talked about Peter Murphy’s new-found love of crazy hats and wondered if he would wear one (he did not).

What Peter Murphy Taught me About Community and spitting rosesWhat Peter Murphy Taught me About Community and spitting roses

I met Adam Braven from SWR. We chatted. Took a few photos. He was kind enough to sign my concert shirt. Yea, I acted like a typical fan.

We sang and danced.

We watched some random guy totally ignore his VERY turned on date. (Seriously, this guy could have had the night of his life!)

We marveled at the energy of the youth and admitted that yes, youth is indeed wasted on the young.

It pains me to say it, but that was a nice change.

Peter Murphy and She Wants Revenge Concert PosterPeter Murphy and She Wants Revenge Concert Poster

I had recently returned from a 3 month business trip to Costa Rica. During that trip our church made a few changes. One was to disband the only place where I connected.

So here I am attending a church where I don’t really belong. A church that we never did join.

The harder we tried to fit in at that church the more we didn’t fit and the more we didn’t belong.

At one point an atheist friend suggested that we find another church. Irony.

What we had in common – our faith! – was overshadowed by the minor things on which we didn’t agree. And although they were minor (when compared to our faith) they were plentiful.

(And don’t even get me started on churches that separate you at the door; children go here, youth go here, men go here, women go here, old people go here, young people go here, married people go here, etc. and then wonder why they don’t have “community?” Maybe you don’t have community because you do your best to break up the family – the most foundational community in most of your lives!)

Anyway, at the concert I felt at home, accepted, a part of something.

What we had in common – music – overshadowed the major thing on which we didn’t agree.

Which brings me back to the Church. There is a lot to disagree with.

Do you dunk or do you sprinkle?

is the Earth old or young?

Is Genesis 1 literal or simply a poets explanation?

Did God make all of this in 6 days or over millions of years?

Should women be pastors, teachers, elders, deacons?

Can you be gay and a Christian?

Was there really a world-wide flood?

Did Jesus really rise from the dead?

Here’s the thing, the only question that matters is the Jesus one. Did Jesus rise from the dead?

If not then my faith – and all of Christianity - is false, fake, vanity.

And if Christ has not been raised, then our preaching is futile and your faith is empty. Also, we are found to be false witnesses about God, because we have testified against God that he raised Christ from the dead, when in reality he did not raise him, if indeed the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is useless; you are still in your sins. Furthermore, those who have fallen asleep in Christ have also perished. For if only in this life we have hope in Christ, we should be pitied more than anyone.

I Corinthians 15:14-19

There you have it, God’s Achilles Heal.

Want to disprove Christianity once and for all, then disprove the resurrection of Jesus.

As far as I can tell that is the only way to do so.

Disprove creation? Great, we were wrong about how God created the world.

Disprove the flood? Fine, we were wrong about our understanding of that story.

Disprove the Tower of Babble? Awesome, we were mistaken again.

But disprove the resurrection of Jesus and you disprove all of Christianity.

So what did Peter Murphy and She Wants Revenge teach me about community?

They taught me this; to have community I need to NOT focus on the minors, and Christianity has a lot of minors. Instead, lets focus on the majors (we once called them the Fundamentals of the faith) and show a little grace, patience and love with the others.

What do you say? You in?

Communion

May 1, 2013 — 2 Comments

(I’ve heard a lot of people serve Communion. Most try to tie it back to a sermon they just heard and their unpreparedness shows. This isn’t my “I could do it better” thing; this is simply what I would say if I served Communion.)

I’d join the movement if there was one I could believe in.

Yea, I would break bread and wine if there was a church I could receive in.

Because I need it now…

U2 – Acrobat

I was going to start this with “I grew up in a tradition where communion was…”

The thing is that I don’t remember taking communion that often until college.

I don’t have this deep-rooted emotional attachment to it.

I don’t see youthful tradition (habit?) when I meander down memory lane.

God and me bonding over the bread and wine is not a picture that my memory paints.

Regardless, somewhere along the way in my ongoing understanding of communion I found 1 Corinthians 11:27-30.

For this reason, whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself first, and in this way let him eat the bread and drink of the cup. For the one who eats and drinks without careful regard for the body eats and drinks judgment against himself. That is why many of you are weak and sick, and quite a few are dead.

Yikes!

Really?

People have DIED because of the way they took communion?

Holy smokes this is serious. So, let me say this.

This is my story.

I don’t want to lead you to a wrong understanding of communion. I’m simply sharing my story (my testimony) as it relates to how I receive the bread and the cup.

Somewhere along the way – I truly don’t know where or why – I started to wonder if the “unworthy” part was talking about me. As in “am I worthy to take communion?”

Here’s the problem: When I examine myself to see if I am worthy I don’t like what I see.

As I wrote here, I have my own $h!t.

You may not see it, but I do.

And God does.

And He and I both know that if it is up to me then I am never worthy to receive communion.

So yea, every time I ask myself if I am worthy to eat the bread and drink the wine the answer is no, I am not worthy.

But I think that is the point.

If I am worthy then I don’t need what the bread and wine remember.

If I am worthy then I don’t need the broken bread; Jesus’ flesh which was for me broken.

If I am worthy then I don’t need the wine; Jesus’ blood which was for me spilled.

But I’m not.

So I do.

So when I eat the bread and drink the wine I bow my head, I beat my chest, and I say, “God, be merciful to me, sinner that I am!

If I am worthy then I don’t need the bread and I don’t need the wine.

But I’m not.

So I do.

I am not really a glass-half-empty kind of guy.

I know that with all the talk of Jude and Infant Salvation it can sometimes sounds as if I am.

I get that.

But I am not.

While I can, at times, be a bit woe is me, I really do love and enjoy my life.

I get to work from home. I get to home school my kids. I get to hang out with my family all day. We even get to eat most meals together.

Yes, our family life is very Leave It To Beaverish.

So yea, my life is a bit like my nomenclature, Saint Depraved, and a bit duplisatist.

I am most certainly a sinner.

But I am also most certainly a saint.

My life if most certainly full of pain and hurt.

But it is also most certainly full of peace and joy.

And this summer is no different.

This summer has been full of fun, but as I write this I am on a plane headed to Costa Rica for an almost three month business trip.

Jesse and I did our first Boy Scout Summer Camp, over his birthday, and we just celebrated Chloe’s 9th birthday.

Jesse earned four badges and started a 5th.

He earned Outdoor Survival, Cooking, Fishing, and Fly Fishing. Outdoor Survival included a solo camp out with minimal gear, meaning he had to build his own shelter as he could not take a tent or sleeping bag. Both Fishing badges required killing and cooking his first fish!

It was a big week for him!

The summer ends with me on a 3 month business trip to Costa Rica.

Although I will be busy, I do plan to keep working on www.saintdepraved.com and to pick back up www.reelparables.com.

Until then here are some pics of my family.

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I know that there is a lot I am not supposed to like about Parenthood. (The TV show on NBC, not my relationship with my kids.)

  • Teen/pre marital sex.
  • Adultery.
  • Drinking.
  • Drugs.
  • And little – if any – respect for God and/or religion.

Even so, I love this show. It is one of my favorite TV shows right now.

Why?

Because at its core it has a profound respect for family, fathers, mothers, grandparents, and community.

Until last night most references to religion have been negative and limited to Eastern religious ideas.

But all that changed last night.

Last night Parenthood dealt with death, the afterlife, and hope.

From www.nbc.com/parenthood/:

Joel and Julia sit Sydney down after school to tell her that Amelia, the bird, died. Joel explains that death is what makes the world a beautiful place, because it’s not permanent. When Sydney starts to get sad, Julia tells Sydney that after you die you go to heaven where everyone that you love is waiting for you. Listening to Julia tell Sydney that her grandma, Joel’s mom, who died when she was just a baby, is waiting for them in heaven and with Amelia makes Joel tear up.

When Julia gets home from her girls’ night in with Sarah, she finds Joel in the kitchen, watching Sydney play. Joel admits that he likes thinking about his mom in heaven with that bird.

What this recap does not state is that Joel does not believe in heaven and does not want to teach his daughter Sydney to believe in heaven.

Even so, to spare her daughter of the pain of death – the loss that death brings – Julia uses heaven as the catalyst for hope.

While I may not agree with the shows view of salvation and the afterlife, I do appreciate that Parenthood understand that there is, in some way, hope in the idea of heaven.

More hope coming soon.

As you obviously already know, I don’t own any copy rights to Parenthood. NBC does (I got the pics from www.nbc.com/parenthood/) and I am hoping they view this as free advertisement and don’t sue me.

You can watch some of this season’s Parenthood on www.hulu.com.

If you are interested in past seasons you can:

Although it may be cliché, I would suggest that my poetry got “better” as I wrote more honest poetry. After Jude died my poetry is a bit less concealing and certainly more revealing.
Thorn is my wrestling with how my sin may or may not be intertwined with the events surrounding his death.


thorn
is this the thorn in my flesh
is this the thorn in my side
is this the thorn that will hold me back
is this the thorn in my pride
is this the thorn in my side
is this the thorn in my flesh
is this the thorn that will break my back
is this the thorn wound still fresh
is this the thorn in my skin
is this the thorn in my hide
is this the thorn that will hold me down
is this the thorn in my stride
is this the thorn in my hide
is this the thorn in my skin
is this the thorn that will break me down
is this the thorn of my sin


FYI #1 – the lack of punctuation was not meant to be lazy. It was intended to add to the numbness of the feelings.

FYI #2 – I don’t know why/when it happened, but I like duality of thoughts and rhyme in structuring the poem around two complete ideas (flesh/side, then side/flesh, skin/hide, then hide/skin)

I meet with a few other dads bright and early Monday morning. We call it the mob (men of boys).

It is not really bright. That is how early it is.

I know it’s important to me as I am not by nature a morning person. As Ericka is quick to point out, I have even slept for three straight days.

Anyway, after Monday’s mob meeting I was talking to one of the dads and had an epiphany on why I don’t run towards hope.

It was when I was telling this story to William.

Jude was admitted to the hospital on a Thursday and had brain surgery on Monday. The first time I left he hospital after he was admitted was after his surgery Monday to get some food or coffee or something with Ericka.
Sometime after I returned to the hospital one of Jude’s many machines started beeping. I am not a beeping aficionado but it sounded like a bad beep so I ran to get the nurse.
And it was a bad beep.
The beep was telling us that the pressure in Jude’s brain – due to his brain swelling – was starting to be very bad.
The doctors encouraged us to enter act with him to try to calm him.

We sang, we prayed, we talked to him.

We prayed some more, we played Vivaldi (his favorite composer), we sang some more.
Slowly the pressure started to go down.
Once it appeared that Jude was ok I went to sleep. I told the nurse to wake me if something went wrong or if the pressure started to rise again.
However many hours later I woke up on my own.
I woke up hopeful.
No one woke me up, indicating that everything, including the brain pressure issue, was ok.
I quickly found out that he was not ok and that the pressure in his brain was dangerously high.
The readings went down – indicating that the pressure was improving – because one of the tubes got a clog. Once the clog was cleared (shortly after I went to sleep) the pressure shot right back up.
This was the beginning of the end.
The swelling was so severe that the blood was slowly pushed out of his brain.
Sometime later we would learn from the doctors that he was brain dead.
My hope so bright that Tuesday morning soon set with the evening sun.
Since then I don’t tend to run towards hope.
I tend to move very slowing – very deliberately – towards hope.
I also tend to test hope harshly.
That is why I am doing this.
My HOPE is that because Jesus lives Jude lives also.
But simply saying that is not good enough.
That is why I am testing hope.

That is why I am testing infant salvation.

I assume I am not the only one who does not run towards hope.
So, how have you tested hope?
This short article on grief is a good summary of why I think hugs are sometimes better than hope.
But grieving is important also.
If you rush into offering hope (regardless of how truthful the hope actually is) you run the risk of interfering and/or impeding the grieving process.
In my opinion, hope is not meant to dismiss the grieving process. Instead, hope is meant to guide the grieving process.
So remember, sometimes it is best to give hugs, not hope.
There’s something wrong with me chemically, something wrong with me inherently.
The wrong mix of the wrong genes, I reached the wrong ends by the wrong means.
Depeche Mode (Wrong)

Few musicians, much less pastors, seem to understand the human condition as well as Depeche Mode understands the human condition.
Over the course of their career Depeche Mode has written often about the pull of temptation and the inevitable fall from grace.
To Depeche Mode sin and temptation are real.
They can be real fun:
I give in to sin, because you have to make this life liveable.
Depeche Mode (Strangelove)
But sin and temptation can also be real tragic:
If I could just hide, the sinner inside, and keep him denied.
How sweet life would be, if I could be free, from the sinner in me.
Depeche Mode (The Sinner in Me)
While they may not agree on everything, Depeche Mode and God certainly agree about sin.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
God (Romans 3:23)
All of us give in to sin.
All of us have something wrong inherently.
None of us can hide the sinner inside or keep him denied.
When it comes to thinking through Infant Salvation it is this idea – the theology of sin – that causes me so much grief and frustration.
Sin, while easy to commit, is not always easy to understand or easy to communicate.
I know this is supposed to be about Infant Salvation, but please let me summarize why I feel that the idea of sin is so frustrating to my understanding of Infant Salvation.
I promise I will try to keep this brief.
A brief summary of a (conservative/orthodox) theology of sin looks like this.

Because Adam sinned everybody sins.
Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned
Romans 5:12
As it is written,” There is none righteous, not even one.”
Romans 3:10 (Quoting Psalm 14)
There is no one who does good. The LORD has looked down from heaven upon the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, who seek after God. They have all turned aside, together they have become corrupt; There is no one who does good, not even one.
Psalm 14:1-3
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Romans 3:23


Sin leads to death.
Then God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. The God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.”
Genesis 2:15-17
Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned.
Romans 5:12
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:23
(More on this and how it relates to Jude in a bit.)


Jesus died for our sins and believing in Jesus saves us from our sins.
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8
If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.”
For whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.
Romans 10:9-11, 13 (Quoting Joel 2)
And it will come about that whoever calls on the name of the LORD will be delivered;
Joel 2:32
I know there is a lot more to it than that, but I think I hit the high points. And my issue – my frustration – with these high points is this;
Because Jude sinned he needed God’s salvation. Jude was a sinner but had not yet called on the name of the Lord or confessed with his mouth that Jesus is Lord.
This is the core issue driving me to look at Infant Salvation from a theological perspective.
How does Infant Salvation fit into a theology of sin (and salvation)? I don’t yet know, but I hope to answer that question publicly in these posts.
I know this issue can get emotional, but please feel free to comment, to correct me, to disagree, to argue. Please, if you do, keep it civil.
Until next time, which will be sooner than later. I promise.