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Give Hugs, Not Hope (Hope, Part I)

Do aborted babies go to heaven?, Do still born babies go to heaven?, Hope, Hugs, Infant Salvation / 5 Comments

There’s no hope, no one to trust. I can’t cope, it’s obvious.
New Order, Behind Closed Doors
I recently found out that an old college friend recently found out that his daughter has cancer.
As I read the words or encouragement and prayers of hope posted on his Facebook page I was immediately transported back in time to when others did the same for me and my son. (Well, there was no Facebook then, but you get the idea.)
  • I am praying! We are praying!
  • God will save your son. God will cure your son.
  • God is bigger than this.
  • God is the great physician.
  • God is in control.
  • God is (fill in the blank).
  • God will (fill in the blank).

Just like with my friend, everyone wanted to encourage me and everyone wanted to comfort me.
Everyone, it seemed, made promises on behalf of God.
Everyone, except for me it seemed, had heard directly from God that my son would be ok.

Everyone wanted to give me hope.
But hope is a funny thing.
Who were these people make such promises?
Who were they to have so many answers? So much insight?
Who were they to speak so clearly and specifically – and incorrectly – for God?
(Enter your funniest false prophet joke here.)
Even at Jude’s funeral I heard a lot of “its ok,” “it will be ok,” “he’s ok,” etc.
Very few people said much else.
One of the most honest responses I received came from my Aunt MaryAnn. At Jude’s funeral she came up to me crying and said, “I don’t know what to say.” I let her know that here was nothing she could say that would make me feel better. I did, however, ask her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to hug me.
So she did. And we cried. And we hugged. And we cried some more.
And it was amazing. It was just what I needed.
While others were trying to comfort me she chose to mourn with me.
While others were trying to make it all alright she simply grieved with me.

While others tried to give me hope she gave me a hug.

Sometimes giving someone a hug is much better than trying to give them hope.

So what did I tell my friend when I heard about his daughter? I will save that for Friday’s post.

Have you ever had a time when someone tried to give you hope but what you really wanted, or needed, was just a hug?

In this corner Simon “Saint Depraved” Smith

Do aborted babies go to heaven?, Do still born babies go to heaven?, Hope, Hugs, Infant Salvation, Saint Depraved / 0 Comments

If you are reading this then it means that you probably already know me to some degree, that you know some of my story, and that you even know about the death of my two year old son.
I have wrestled with that one event – and God – off and on since 2001.
While I have articulated aspects of this wrestling match at different times, to different people and in different ways, I have rarely put my thoughts down on paper.
The only real exception would be my poetry.
This is my story. This is my side of the fight. This is me trying to make sense of it all.
But more than that it is my biblical/theological defense of “infant salvation.”
So, first and foremost this is for me. Secondly, it is for you.
My sincerest prayer, however, is that it would be encouraging to you, regardless of why you are reading it.

It is I who darkens counsel

Do aborted babies go to heaven?, Do still born babies go to heaven?, Hope, Hugs, Infant Salvation, Poetry, Saint Depraved / 0 Comments

Tonight’s the night I ask the questions.
Tonight’s the night I question why.
Where were you when my son was sleeping?
Where were you the day he died?


Where were you when all were praying?
Why did you turn a deafened ear?
Where were you when my son was fading?
Where were you when we faced the fear?


Where were you when I asked the questions?
Where were you when i couldn’t sleep?
Where were you when my heart was racing?
Were you out saving other sheep?


My God, my God, I want to believe
so why have you forsaken me?


Tonight’s the night I ask the questions.
Tonight’s the night You answer me?
Where were you when my faith was failing?
Where were you when I couldn’t see?


Don’t remind me of the great behemoth.
Don’t remind me of leviathan.
I don’t care where the goats are birthing.
And I don’t care if You guide the wind.


It is I who darkens counsel.
It is I who wants to see.
So where are you when my faith is failing?
Where are you when I can’t believe?


My God, my God, I want to believe
so why have you forsaken me?
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