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Someone Else’s Story

This past weekend was spent camping at Lake Mineral Wells State Park.


I was busy, but I was not busy writing.


I was busy hiking, fishing, canoeing, rock climbing and rappelling.


(Yes, it was a very Wild at Heart/John Eldredge kind of weekend.)


Since I am not finished with my next section (it is starting to get a bit serious) here is a link to a high profile response to a high profile loss.


http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2010/septemberweb-only/47-41.0.html


For those that don’t know of him, Steven Curtis Chapman is a fairly famous and successful “Christian Musician” who lost his 5 year old daughter in 2008.


His wife, Mary Beth, wrote a book about it.


Full Disclosure; I have not yet read Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope.


On the third page of this interview, while discussing the book’s cover, she talks about (at least in part) what brought her and Steven hope; a drawing that her daughter drew.


While the discussion is indeed emotional and sentimental, it is just that, emotional and sentimental. This interview (again, I can not yet speak intelligently about the book) seems to keep “hope” in the emotional/sentimental ghetto.


What about those of us who don’t have that picture?


I truly appreciate the openness and honesty in which she talks about her struggle (fight?) with God, but I wish the hope she gives was based on more than emotion and sentiment.

Until next time.

Chad’s Letter (Hope Part II)

[Here is the note I sent to Chad, an old college friend who recently found out that his daughter has cancer. I wish it was more eloquent, but it is what it is.

Full Disclosure – I did remove a line or two about how others did handle or are handling Jude’s death. I intend to be completely open and honest with my story, but their story is not for me to tell.]

Chad,
First, I am so sorry to hear the news about your daughter’s cancer.

I will be praying for her, for you, and for your family.


Ericka and I have traveled this road with our middle child, Jude.


Our road was short and the story did not end the way any of us wanted it to. He survived the surgery to remove the brain cancer, but he did not survive the results of that surgery. It has been the hardest thing our family has gone through.

We have always said that it did not shatter our faith, but it did, at times, shake it up a bit.


I know a lot of people will tell you it will be ok, it will be alright, that God will heal her, etc.


And He may.


But He may not.


Cherish the time you have with Kristina. My heartfelt father’s prayer is that you will have her whole LONG life to enjoy with her.

But drink it in now as much as you can.
Our story was “tragic” in the sense that everyone expected God to heal Jude. The ironic thing is that He did. Jude is now with his creator. It was simply not the ending to the story that we all wanted and prayed for.


I do not want to “bring you down,” I just want to encourage you to be honest with her and your family and enjoy today.


God is good.


But He is not always good in the way we want Him to be good.


If you are not already familiar with Matt Chandler, a pastor at the Village Church here in the DFW area, check him out. He talks of suffering often and is currently dealing with brain cancer himself.


He is very open, very honest, but also very encouraging.


His blog is:
http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/blog/pastors/


If nothing else, watch this message that he gave at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth. It deals with suffering and God’s provision and God’s providence.


It was, in an odd way, very encouraging to me.


http://www.sbts.edu/resources/chapel/chapel-fall-2009/hebrews-11/


I am praying for you and your family.
May the God who gave Kristina life heal her, comfort you all during this time and give you a peace that truly does pass your understanding.


God is good. Always.


Simon

Jesus, Ghosts, UFOs, the End Times and Infant Salvation

Before my son died I taught a 6th grade Sunday School class at our church. As I don’t really care for pre-built curriculum I did what I usually do; I asked the kids what they wanted to learn about.
Some kids wanted to know about Jesus.
Some ghosts.
Others UFOs.
A few chose the “End Times.”
Pretty normal church kid stuff.
A few, however, wanted to know if babies go to heaven.
Wow. That is a pretty deep question for anyone, especially pre-teens (what we use to call tweens before they got their own marketing machine and Justin Bieber).
Now, in all fairness, my gut reaction is an emphatic “YES! Of course babies go to heaven!”
The problem is that I think like a theologian and not like philosopher. (I am not saying I am a good one, I am just letting you know that this is how I think.)
While publicly my response would be yes, of course babies go to heaven; I did have personal doubts (i.e., theological hurdles).
I had a brief parent’s meeting to let them know what we would be studying.
I also let them know that I would NOT be touching the babies in heaven question. I reminded them that there are smart, loving, caring people on both sides of the discussion and that not everyone agrees. I also asked them to consider that the question is a very emotional one, and not always easy to even talk about.
I reminded them that it is not my job to raise, train, or teach their children and that I was going to pass on this one question.
I did encourage them that if this question echoed their personal stories then they could address the question with their own children.
One mother decided to prove my point.
She got VERY emotional and VERY upset VERY quickly. She kept asking me if I really believe that babies DO NOT go to heaven.
I never said that.
I never even hinted at it.
I never gave these parents my opinion.
She made assumptions and, by her very reaction, showed how emotional the topic can be.
Remember, this all happened before my son died, before it was personal to me.
Unfortunately, these doubts, questions, theological concerns, did not go away when my son died.
If anything they were super-sized because they became extremely personal.
What follows here is my working out of these doubts.
My exploration of study and research.
My wrestling matches with God and His Word.
I hope to post three times a week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Wednesday looks to start with (misplaced) hope.

In this corner Simon “Saint Depraved” Smith

If you are reading this then it means that you probably already know me to some degree, that you know some of my story, and that you even know about the death of my two year old son.

I have wrestled with that one event – and God – off and on since 2001.

While I have articulated aspects of this wrestling match at different times, to different people and in different ways, I have rarely put my thoughts down on paper.

The only real exception would be my poetry.

This is my story. This is my side of the fight. This is me trying to make sense of it all.


But more than that it is my biblical/theological defense of “infant salvation.”


So, first and foremost this is for me. Secondly, it is for you.

My sincerest prayer, however, is that it would be encouraging to you, regardless of why you are reading it.

It is I who darkens counsel

Tonight’s the night I ask the questions.
Tonight’s the night I question why.
Where were you when my son was sleeping?
Where were you the day he died?


Where were you when all were praying?
Why did you turn a deafened ear?
Where were you when my son was fading?
Where were you when we faced the fear?


Where were you when I asked the questions?
Where were you when i couldn’t sleep?
Where were you when my heart was racing?
Were you out saving other sheep?


My God, my God, I want to believe
so why have you forsaken me?


Tonight’s the night I ask the questions.
Tonight’s the night You answer me?
Where were you when my faith was failing?
Where were you when I couldn’t see?


Don’t remind me of the great behemoth.
Don’t remind me of leviathan.
I don’t care where the goats are birthing.
And I don’t care if You guide the wind.


It is I who darkens counsel.
It is I who wants to see.
So where are you when my faith is failing?
Where are you when I can’t believe?


My God, my God, I want to believe
so why have you forsaken me?

Simon Wrestles With God (Genesis 32:22-31)

This small section of the Bible is perhaps my most favorite. Even when other Bible stories start to bubble to the top of my favorites list, this one manages to stay at or near the top.

I feel that, in some way, Jacob’s story is my story.

Jacob wrestled God.

I am wrestling with God.

This is my story.

“But during the night he got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants, and his eleven children and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He got them safely across the brook along with all his possessions. But Jacob stayed behind by himself, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he couldn’t get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob’s hip out of joint.

The man said, “Let me go; it’s daybreak.” Jacob said, “I’m not letting you go ’til you bless me.”

The man said, “What’s your name?” He answered, “Jacob.”

The man said, “But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it’s Israel (God-Wrestler); you’ve wrestled with God and you’ve come through.”

Jacob asked, “And what’s your name?”

The man said, “Why do you want to know my name?” And then, right then and there, he blessed him.

Jacob named the place Peniel (God’s Face) because, he said, “I saw God face-to-face and lived to tell the story!”

The sun came up as he left Peniel, limping because of his hip. (This is why Israelites to this day don’t eat the hip muscle; because Jacob’s hip was thrown out of joint.)”
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